Reflections all Around

When we struggle in the workplace, it’s a reflection of our personal patters in the world (past and present). Taking the time to unravel these patterns allows us the opportunity to see the people and the situations in our work lives in the here and now – with all of the power of our adult!

A boss who is inconsistent or unclear, a co-worker who leaves messes that you clean up, a client who had you work on a project for 6 months only to tell you that the “higher” ups have decided to change direction and they went with a different vendor. These are examples of possible work situations that can bring up feelings of anger, fear, resentment, shame and rejection Taking the time to experience the feelings and to discover the need that sits just below provides an opportunity to release the pattern in our lives.

As we know, most of these patterns developed early in life when the needs were basic and the resources few. For the child, these feelings signaled a threat and triggered a survival response. Panic, confusion, a desire to cut and run (find another job), blaming (victim) are common responses stemming from survival mode. As an adult, experiencing situations that elicit these feelings, the tendency is to revert to the survival response. Responses that were formulated as a child bypassing the adult brain which has more choice and ability to handle the situation with clarity.

If we allow ourselves to “feel” the feeling;s (anger, fear, resentment, shame or rejection) express them in a non blaming way we have a chance to go underneath the initial feeling and find that we have deeper feelings about the situation followed by an unmet need.

You might find hurt (under rejection), sadness (under anger) and deeper still you find the unmet need. The need is always basic to the health and well being of the child; safety, connection, nurturing and love.

Once you have identified the need you can bring the child to the here and now. I am connected, I am safe, I am loved, I am nurtured – all needs which YOU can provide for yourself in the here and now – but which the child needed to have provide by the adults (usually Mom and Dad) in their life.

Providing the need calms the child inside and allows the adult time and space to discover possible solutions.

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